Myth #1: They have the power to significantly change others.
Truth: The only person who can meaningfully change their ways, attitudes or nature is the person himself or herself—and only if he or she chooses to do so.
Myth #2: They are happier and more content when they are controlling.
Truth: Excessive controllers create anxiety, resentment, and overall “dis-ease”—for themselves and others. As the real life stories in Losing Control, Finding Serenity: How the Need to Control Hurts Us and How to Let It Go demonstrate, the more you try to control, the less serenity you have.
Myth #3: The more they are able to control things, the more control they will have over their own lives.
Truth: The only way you can gain more control over your life is through letting go of control. Which is to say, you gain control by losing control.
Myth #4: They are secure, confident, and fearless.
Truth: Controllers are consumed and driven by their fears, anxieties, and insecurities. That’s why they feel the need to control. (See my post, Understanding Control Freak Dynamics.) As the wise sage Allan Watts says in the Wisdom of Insecurity (Vintage Books, 1951), “the desire for security and feeling insecure are the same thing.” If control freaks were truly confident and fearless, they would allow life’s natural currents to flow freely (and without their intervention)—and be bestowed with the remarkable gifts that result.
Myth #5: They know what’s best for others.
Truth: Control freaks seldom know what’s best for themselves, let alone others. They erroneously—and often arrogantly–believe that what works for them, will work for others. Indeed, I doubt that any control freak has ever been accused of being too humble!
Do the controllers in your life harbor these myths? Please let me know.
In the meantime, remember to
Let It Go!
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