Many people sincerely wish to stop trying to control their important relationships, but find it very difficult to do so. They realize that it would be better for others, as well as themselves. (See, “Five Good Reasons for Accepting People as They Are.”)
It may be a mother who knows that it is best not to constantly come to the “rescue” of her children when they are careless or forgetful, lest it deprives them of learning to be more responsible. It may be a mate or partner who knows that constantly nagging his or her counterpart impacts trust and intimacy. Or, it may be a supervisor who wishes to delegate more tasks to his team so that they can better develop their skills, while at the same time allow him or her to devote more time to critical work needs.
Whatever the relationship may be,
The keys to letting go of control are almost always the same.
In Losing Control, Finding Serenity I provide a broad array of tools and techniques for relinquishing control in all types of relationships, but for now here are five effective ones you can try.
5 Key Ways to Let Go of Control in Relationships
*Learn to accept others as they are. The more you accept the idiosyncrasies, irritants, and “flaws” of others, the less you will feel the need to control them. (See, “Keys for Practicing “Acceptance.“)
*Face and process your relationship fears. Most controlling actions are fear based. Try to identify your relationship fears and then examine how real or significant they are. Most of the time, they are more imagined, than real.
*Focus on improving your own shortcomings. This will take the focus off trying to change others and place it where it will be most impactful: yourself!
*Lower your expectations of others. The more you expect from others, the more you will try to control them. (See, Tips for Letting Go of High Expectations.”)
*Recognize that you cannot meaningfully control others. At bottom, excessive control represents our attempt to change another’s very nature and spirit. But because another’s true spirit cannot be changed—except by that person alone—our efforts to do so are not only fruitless, they are also harmful.
What do you do to let go of control in your important relationships?Please share them with me.
In the meantime, remember to
Let It Go!