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The Blessings of Acceptance

Control Freak Bosses Are Poor Managers

aHR0cDovL3d3dy5idXNpbmVzc25ld3NkYWlseS5jb20vaW1hZ2VzL2kvMDAwLzAwNi8yNzkvb3JpZ2luYWwvTWljcm9tYW5hZ2VyTml2ZW5zLmpwZw==The compulsion to control at work can be so strong that we rarely stop to consider how much it harms us, our employees, and of course, our business. This is particularly true with respect to micro-managers, nit-pickers, and other control freaks.

In a previous post, Work Control: Five Ways It Harms You and How to Avoid It, I outlined some of the pitfalls of excessive work control and offered some tips on how to let it go.   One of the harms I mentioned was that “Our interactions with others become abrasive and confrontational instead of co-operative and thoughtful.”

Research is now confirming the importance of business leaders’ controlling less, and establishing positive relationships with their employees. Continue reading

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The Control–Misery Link

d964a44cdb103020a8e7cf1c117e56a0A friend recently shared, “The more I try to control things in my life, the more miserable I become.   In fact, the misery in my life is directly proportional to how much I try to control things.”

I, of course, knew how excessive control impacts my serenity, but never heard it expressed in quite that way. As I thought about it further, I realized there is indeed a direct link between control and “misery.” Let me explain why. Continue reading

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Should You Tell Your Loved One About Your Past Addiction?

 

bonds-of-love-2011-9-8-8-48-55-2Guest Post by Anne Southern

Over 20 million Americans struggle with some form of substance addiction, whether to drugs or alcohol (this does not include the many million more who are also addicted to tobacco) Despite this huge body of people with direct experience of addiction, it remains a huge taboo in our society and, once clean, many people choose to hide their past as an addict from the significant people in their lives.

This level of deception and control can be hugely damaging to relationships, particularly to romantic relationships, and can make it difficult to let go and truly accept happiness. You will never truly know whether the person you are choosing to build a life with loves you for who you are until you have shown them every aspect of who you are, including the parts of your past that you are less than proud of.

Let Go of Your Shame Continue reading

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Intentions for Accepting Others as They Are in 2017

43cc79f320f515865323f9f5edcf6f80As we begin a year of great uncertainty, and for many, great fear and anxiety, it is important to consider what we can do to bring greater peace and serenity into our lives and those we love.   For me, that begins with striving to accept people as they are and life as it is—and importantly, to do so without anger or resentment. As I’ve done in the past, formulating acceptance intentions helps me considerably in practicing acceptance.

I am presently writing a new book titled The Blessings of Acceptance.   Next month you will be able to download the first two chapters at no cost from this blog and from my main web site.   Below are a some acceptance intentions from the book related to accepting our loved ones, children, and parents.

In 2017, I intend to:

         “Be grateful for all the nice things my loved one does for me”

         “Accept my loved one’s personal choices” Continue reading

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Do Your Loved One’s Political Views Anger You?

24e9132c2d703879f1d44d2e1503e10eThe current divisive political climate becomes even more divisive when the political choices of our loved ones are contrary to our own.   For example, what if you are for Clinton, and they are for Trump?  If you are for gun control, and they support the NRA?  If they want to build a gigantic wall along border to keep people out, and you feel it’s a foolish idea.

How do you deal with such political disharmony between your loved one and yourself?  Do you try to persuade them to change their views? (and how does that work?) Are you able to have respectful, cordial discussions with each other?  Or do damaging arguments ensue? Or, is it “My way or the highway!? Continue reading

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  Should You Accept the “Unacceptable?”

couple-resentful-white                PART ONE 

In speaking with people about their acceptance stories for the new book I’m writing, The Blessings of Acceptance, I am often asked “why should I accept the unacceptable?”   My short response is, “You’ve already answered that by your question. If something is unacceptable to you, you can’t accept it.”

The long answer, however, is more complex. Acceptance is a personal choice each of us needs to make. We can accept a person or situation, or not. And what may be unacceptable for one person may not be for another.   The determination is typically based on one’s beliefs and values, but also on their anger, resentments, perceptions—and misperceptions.

Whatever your predisposition, I would offer that before you decide that something or somebody is totally unacceptable, you should first consider what it will accomplish and Continue reading

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The Blessings of Acceptance

Contribute Your Acceptance Story to my New Book and Receive $50 plus a Free Signed Copy!

Do you have a personal story about how you accepted someone as they are–annoying traits and all? A love one, boss, parents, or estranged sibling—even a nemesis? Or a story about how your accepting an adversity (a business failure, career setback, health issue, child’s wrongdoing, or other setback) allowed you to move forward with your life in a less stressful, more positive way?

I am currently writing another book, titled The Blessings of Acceptance, about the profound and often unexpected benefits that are bestowed upon us when we accept people and things as they are, or the “what is” in our lives.  Included in the book will be true stories from individuals who have embraced the far-reaching acceptance dynamic.

Please share your acceptance story with the book’s readers, using the questions below as a guideline.  If your story is selected for the book, you will receive $50 plus a signed copy of the book one month after its formal publication. Continue reading

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Accepting Your Foes Helps!*

f004f8804d312cb13df9b0cc7c8d0fadReading the above title, you may be thinking, “Why should I accept people who are trying to harm or cause me trouble?   They are the last people I would want to accept!” I know I used to feel that way.

It’s clearly unnerving to think about accepting those that we feel are toxic, and even more challenging to do so. However, when I look back, I now realize that I suffered unnecessarily from my refusal to accept such people, both in terms of greater personal anguish and poorer results.

This became even more clear to me–of all things—while competing in some seniors’ tennis tournaments.  Continue reading

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Intentions for Letting Go of Control in 2016

4fceda14ca9e010733e927492a929af9Still feel the need to control too much in your life?   Setting intentions for letting go of control is one of the best ways in which to reduce the need or compulsion to control people and things and enjoy the serenity that is sure to follow.  Below are my updated decontrol intentions for 2016 together with links to prior posts on the particular subjects.

I intend to:

Identify the fears and anger behind my need to control—and timely process them! 

Trust that my love ones and children will make decisions that are best for them 

Let go of the things that I cannot meaningfully change 

Practice Acceptance in all my affairs  Continue reading

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The Link Between Addiction and Control

hard timesThe lives of addicts often reel out of control.   Many feel ashamed and powerless over their addiction and many things in their lives. To counter their anxiety and attempt to gain some semblance of control in their lives, they try to exert “external” control over others and important aspects of their lives.

Some believe addicts are control freaks. Licensed clinical social worker Rita Milios explains why in her informative article appearing in Recovery.org titled  Control Freak: How to Stop Trying to Change Your World and Change Yourself Instead.

“If a person feels that they have lost control of themselves and their substance use, they often shift their sphere of control to other areas of their life. Feeling out of control increases the anxiety, and becoming a “control freak” is one way an addict may attempt to reduce this anxiety. Exerting outward control may also be an attempt to manage other uncomfortable emotions, such as depression, low self-esteem or feelings of powerlessness.” Continue reading

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