Should You Accept the “Unacceptable?”

couple-resentful-white                PART ONE 

In speaking with people about their acceptance stories for the new book I’m writing, The Blessings of Acceptance, I am often asked “why should I accept the unacceptable?”   My short response is, “You’ve already answered that by your question. If something is unacceptable to you, you can’t accept it.”

The long answer, however, is more complex. Acceptance is a personal choice each of us needs to make. We can accept a person or situation, or not. And what may be unacceptable for one person may not be for another.   The determination is typically based on one’s beliefs and values, but also on their anger, resentments, perceptions—and misperceptions.

Whatever your predisposition, I would offer that before you decide that something or somebody is totally unacceptable, you should first consider what it will accomplish and Continue reading

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The Blessings of Acceptance

Contribute Your Acceptance Story to my New Book and Receive $50 plus a Free Signed Copy!

Do you have a personal story about how you accepted someone as they are–annoying traits and all? A love one, boss, parents, or estranged sibling—even a nemesis? Or a story about how your accepting an adversity (a business failure, career setback, health issue, child’s wrongdoing, or other setback) allowed you to move forward with your life in a less stressful, more positive way?

I am currently writing another book, titled The Blessings of Acceptance, about the profound and often unexpected benefits that are bestowed upon us when we accept people and things as they are, or the “what is” in our lives.  Included in the book will be true stories from individuals who have embraced the far-reaching acceptance dynamic.

Please share your acceptance story with the book’s readers, using the questions below as a guideline.  If your story is selected for the book, you will receive $50 plus a signed copy of the book one month after its formal publication. Continue reading

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Accepting Your Foes Helps!*

f004f8804d312cb13df9b0cc7c8d0fadReading the above title, you may be thinking, “Why should I accept people who are trying to harm or cause me trouble?   They are the last people I would want to accept!” I know I used to feel that way.

It’s clearly unnerving to think about accepting those that we feel are toxic, and even more challenging to do so. However, when I look back, I now realize that I suffered unnecessarily from my refusal to accept such people, both in terms of greater personal anguish and poorer results.

This became even more clear to me–of all things—while competing in some seniors’ tennis tournaments.  Continue reading

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Intentions for Letting Go of Control in 2016

4fceda14ca9e010733e927492a929af9Still feel the need to control too much in your life?   Setting intentions for letting go of control is one of the best ways in which to reduce the need or compulsion to control people and things and enjoy the serenity that is sure to follow.  Below are my updated decontrol intentions for 2016 together with links to prior posts on the particular subjects.

I intend to:

Identify the fears and anger behind my need to control—and timely process them! 

Trust that my love ones and children will make decisions that are best for them 

Let go of the things that I cannot meaningfully change 

Practice Acceptance in all my affairs  Continue reading

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The Link Between Addiction and Control

hard timesThe lives of addicts often reel out of control.   Many feel ashamed and powerless over their addiction and many things in their lives. To counter their anxiety and attempt to gain some semblance of control in their lives, they try to exert “external” control over others and important aspects of their lives.

Some believe addicts are control freaks. Licensed clinical social worker Rita Milios explains why in her informative article appearing in titled  Control Freak: How to Stop Trying to Change Your World and Change Yourself Instead.

“If a person feels that they have lost control of themselves and their substance use, they often shift their sphere of control to other areas of their life. Feeling out of control increases the anxiety, and becoming a “control freak” is one way an addict may attempt to reduce this anxiety. Exerting outward control may also be an attempt to manage other uncomfortable emotions, such as depression, low self-esteem or feelings of powerlessness.” Continue reading

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Are You a Love Controller?

21449638_sLove control obstructs the romantic flow.   It forces the action, rather than allowing the love currents to unfold naturally so that people can relax and just be themselves—and offer their love and kindness without pressure or expectations.  Simply put, most people don’t like being told what to do, how to be, or how to act in matters of the heart. Do you?

And yet, if you were to ask a friend or your love one if they considered themselves a love controller, my guess is that they would likely say no.  Are you a love controller?  Let’s find out.

The Love Control Test (from Losing Control, Finding Serenity: How the Need to Control Hurts Us and How to Let It Go.)

Ask yourself the following:

*Do I usually feel I know what’s best for my partner?

*Do I charm or pout or withdraw to get my way?  Continue reading

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Letting Go of Control Truths

let_go_balloon-300x225“Let go of control. You never had it in the first place!”

Not sure you agree?   Then, consider this:

“If you always do what you always did, you always get what you always got. So let go of control to get something new.”

Is micro-managing your children’s lives working for you? Not too well? Here’s a suggestion:

“Listen attentively to them without “counseling” them.   It is a healing gift that allows them to process their concerns by themselves.”  Continue reading

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Let the Love FLow on Valentine’s Day

f6b3d4d1f1bf994d06d75479a3e824ecIf you don’t control, you can flow–and that’s true with love as well.    So let go of love control this month and let the love flow!  For some guidance on how to do this, read my previous post “Enhance Your Valentine’s Day Love Flow.”

In the meantime, remember to

Let it Go!


*If you enjoyed this post, please “like” it on your Facebook page and share it with your friends.



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Intentions for Letting Go of Control in 2015


Have you set your intentions for 2015 yet? Because of their importance to my serenity, I annually review and update my intentions for letting go of control. Such intentions are highly effective in reducing our need or compulsion to control others and things. Below are my intentions for letting go of control in 2015 together with links to prior posts on the particular subjects.

I intend to:

Let go of the things that I cannot realistically change

Trust more that my children will make decisions that are best for them

Trust that I will be okay whatever the situation

Reduce my expectations of others Continue reading

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An Essential Key to Avoiding Holiday Stress

16290581-stressed-woman-wearing-a-christmas-hat-against-a-grunge-backgroundIt’s during this time of year that we often hear the proverbial, “I just dread the holidays.”

I previously shared how this “dread” and its associated stress and anxiety can be lessened by letting go of control, as well as offering some useful decontrol tools.

Buy my wife recently shared with me a holiday story that clued me in on an essential key to avoiding holiday stress.   She had to buy some last minute gifts at our local mall’s department store, which required wading through these nerve-racking hurdles:

*First, she had to join the line dance of cars a block long entering the parking lot.   (Not fun if you like to move when you line dance, as my wife avidly demonstrated when we first met.)

*Once in, she had to drive like a matador would to avoid the cars aggressively darting for parking spaces as if they were winning lottery tickets.  Continue reading

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